Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
