She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
