Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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