I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
