I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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