I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
