We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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