I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
