One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
