I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
