Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
