JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
