Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
