dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
