My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
