Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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