I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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