Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
