also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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