oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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