You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i will never coherently bang her
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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