After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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