he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
