Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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