I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
