the condom got lost in my hair
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
