Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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