In the future we'll all be gay
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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