I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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