Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
