he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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