Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
