there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
