Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
