He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
