im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
