I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
