we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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