she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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