It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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