i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
