fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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