I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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