Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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