Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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