I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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