Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
