Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
