I just cut my nipple shaving
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
