Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
